Journals14
Newest
Same Old
1 min read
The depression is still there- it hangs like fog, clouding my senses into dull murk.
Only now, I know I shall be failing my university for good this time- along with relationships, work, & the rest of life along with it.
On the plus side, though, I've now realised that depression & pain are my two closest allies when it comes to creativity- so expect to see that manifested soon from me.
That's all.
Only now, I know I shall be failing my university for good this time- along with relationships, work, & the rest of life along with it.
On the plus side, though, I've now realised that depression & pain are my two closest allies when it comes to creativity- so expect to see that manifested soon from me.
That's all.
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A lot has happened
2 min read
Suspended my studies because the depression became too much for me to study, then stupidly forced myself to move to Brazil for a teaching internship so I could just shake myself out of this stupid slump.
That's all it is, right? A slump I'll be able to just climb out of, if only I wasn't so fucking whiny & could just get over myself, already.
I'm so sorry. I'm trying to stop being a burden, I really am.
I'm trying so hard to rid myself of all these personal flaws, but all these failures are just so exhausting.
Take the introversion, for example. Being forced to be constantly surrounded by other people (at work, even having a roommate) is really taking its toll- having to lock myself into the kitchen at 3am right now, just so I can have a moment to myself, is not much fun (the fact that the windows don't have blinds or curtains makes me nervous, even though I'm not doing anything bad...)
I guess I'm also not as helpful of a person as I thought I was- my partner of 3 years was going through a really bad depressive episode, & I've always done my best to be there for him, through the thick & thin. I finally broke though, & half confessed that I tried to commit suicide recently. He replied when I was travelling, so I couldn't check his response till I got home- he gets hurt about that & calls me a selfish bitch because me being upset is 'probably just because [I'm] on my period again' since you know, suicide attempts are never that big of a deal right?
I'm tired of always doing the wrong thing- of not being able to bottle things up well enough, and of always having my nervous breakdowns at the wrong time.
How do I stop myself from being so overly emotional?
How do I start being a better person (instead of this pathetic excuse for one)?
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Lalalalalala...
1 min read
Even after buying a Bamboo tablet, I still draw with a laptop touchpad instead... I'm weird, lalalala... drawing with a touchpad has messed up my wrist... lalalala... my shoulder has also given out too now... lalalalalala...
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Waka, Waka, Wacom!
1 min read
So I got a Wacom (Bamboo)- just a beginner one, but I figured it'll encourage me to draw more 
I have actually been drawing, but the problem is I'm too lazy to scan any of it in haha xD
So maybe with a Wacom I'll no longer have that excuse (since my drawings will start off electronic) -meaning I'll HAVE to submit art (I have a rough sketch I'm going to upload in a sec).
Anyway, it's taking me a while to get used to it (have so far only used it twice, because of that D=!) but hopefully this means you'll be seeing me on DA more often now! (Though whether that's a good or bad thing, I'm not quite sure lol xD)
Toodles! =3
I have actually been drawing, but the problem is I'm too lazy to scan any of it in haha xD
So maybe with a Wacom I'll no longer have that excuse (since my drawings will start off electronic) -meaning I'll HAVE to submit art (I have a rough sketch I'm going to upload in a sec).
Anyway, it's taking me a while to get used to it (have so far only used it twice, because of that D=!) but hopefully this means you'll be seeing me on DA more often now! (Though whether that's a good or bad thing, I'm not quite sure lol xD)
Toodles! =3
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I started a BLOG! =D
1 min read
Heyyyy everyone,
Hope you're all having a good holiday! =]
Just wanted to say I'm sorry for my absence (again, lol
) but I'm getting back into the creative swing of things, now
Aaaand I'm also pleased to announce...that I started a blog!
It's nothing special just yet, but hopefully it'll help me to start being more creative. You can find it here: PavementFireworks.blogspot.com
I've kicked off with a 3 part introduction (yeah, I write a lot- lol sorry!)
Hopefully next will come the explanation as to why I've called the blog Pavement Fireworks
(but those of you that already follow me probably already know the answer to that, anyway haha
)
Anyways, that's it from me (for the moment)
Take care =]
Hope you're all having a good holiday! =]
Just wanted to say I'm sorry for my absence (again, lol
) but I'm getting back into the creative swing of things, nowAaaand I'm also pleased to announce...that I started a blog!
It's nothing special just yet, but hopefully it'll help me to start being more creative. You can find it here: PavementFireworks.blogspot.com
I've kicked off with a 3 part introduction (yeah, I write a lot- lol sorry!)
Hopefully next will come the explanation as to why I've called the blog Pavement Fireworks
(but those of you that already follow me probably already know the answer to that, anyway haha
)Anyways, that's it from me (for the moment)
Take care =]
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